Back In The Past
by mamaXunicorn
Summary: The long awaited sequel to Back To The Past! Join Erik and the gang as they go through some very interesting things. Rated M for Chapter 2! Warning: Mpreg.
1. Back In The Past

_**A/N: Hello Everyone! I'm back and with the new sequel to the story you all know and loved: Back to the Past. If you haven't read it…I don't know why you're here reading this and before you read this you should read that…Ask anyone of my reviewers…its funny. So, we're going to have a new character introduction in this chapter! You'll see She's important for later chapters. Also we have the return of old characters that left. **_

_**So here we go: **_

**As the last story ended the bright light vortex once again entered the picture and took Erik and the rest of the gang back to Erik's lair. **

_Erik: Oh hell no…_

Bethany: Hi Erik! Did you miss us?

Erik: -mutters- yea, like a dog misses a tick

Bethany: what was that?

Erik: What are you people doing here?

Jenna: I don't know, we got transported here.

Katie: Oh come on Erik, you know you missed us.

Erik: -narrows eyes- I was finally away from all you crazy lunatics and then you invade me in my home!

Christian: you live here? –Looks around-

Satine: Christian, shush. I think it's…very nice.

Erik: It's not supposed to be nice!!

Bethany: Yea, I can tell, it's all murky and disgusting Not suitable for guests at all. You're a horrible host.

Erik: You're not supposed to be here! For God's sale! I am not a party person! This is my secret lair! No Company allowed!

Jenna: That's not fair, Erik. I kept you in my house.

Erik: I didn't ask you too! I didn't ask to come to your strange century! And I didn't ask for all of you to come back with me!

Melissa: Ooo…Touchy. It's actually not that bad. I could get used to this. –Sits down on the ground-

Erik: -twitch- No one will be getting used to anything!!! You all must leave!

Katie: Oh and where will we go?

Erik: Do you think I care? You can go be prostitute on the streets…you'd be more useful there!

Jenna/Katie/Melissa/Bethany: -gasp-

Christian: Sir! Prostitution is not something to mention. It is not a way of life! You should be ashamed of yourself for condemning these girls to such a thing!

Satine: Christian it's alright. We don't need to recall the past.

Christian: -grumble-

Erik: I don't care what they do. If they do decide to become whores, great, there's a nightclub not to far from here.

Raoul: ooo! I've been there!

Everyone: -looks at him- WHAT?!

Raoul: Yea…It was really cool. It had all these lights and dancing…ooo! Ooo! And a spinning windmill and an ELEPHANT!!

The Duke: Why does that description sound awfully familiar to me?

Satine/Christian: -in shock- The Moulin Rouge.

Raoul: Yea! That's what it was called.

Christian: …Where exactly are we?

Melissa: Underneath the Opera Populaire in Paris.

Satine: In what year?

Jenna: 1871…I think.

Katie: Wait a second, I have a question. Why was Raoul going to a nightclub?

Raoul: My brother brought me. –Shrugs- there were girls dancing…and they weren't dancing like the ballet dancers.

Christian: Can we just drop the subject…please?

The Duke: Of course they weren't dancing like ballet dancers! They were dancing in a much more entertaining way.

Raoul: Yeah! They wore these frilly dresses and when they danced I saw their—

Erik: EVERYONE SHUT UP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

-The whole room goes quiet-

Erik: If you must stay here, you must be quiet. You are in my private lair and you will listen to my rules. I will not hesitate to bring out my noose!

Melissa: Your moose?

Erik: -glares-

Melissa: Well I know that you store horses down here, why not mooses?

Katie: That's not a word.

Melissa: No one asked you!

Andre: -looking around- you live underneath the opera house?

Erik: -with gritted teeth- yes

Andre: That surely explains a lot. So the Opera Ghost is not really a ghost…

Erik: no…the opera ghost is a man. That man is me. I _have_ been the whole damn TIME!!!

Katie: Okay, okay, don't have a cow

Jenna: You have COWS down here too?!

Erik: -to Bethany- Can I kill her now?

Bethany: No! Of course not!

Katie: The whole murkiness of this lair must be affecting her brain.

Erik: Please?

Bethany: I said no! –Slaps Erik-

Katie/Jenna/Melissa: -gasp!-

Melissa: Oh no she did not…

Jenna: did believe I she

Everyone: ….what?!

Jenna: I mean….I believe she did.

Bethany: wow Jenna you have a speech impediment?!

Jenna: -blank look-

Bethany: -slowly- you – can't –speak- well

Jenna: oh! –Laughs- yea

Bethany: -to Erik- dude you really need to mo…. –stares at Erik-

-Everyone stops and looks at Erik whose eyes are wide and tearful and his bottom lip is out in a pout and is quivering.-

Katie: …Erik?

Erik: -sniff- she…HURT ME!!

Everyone: -looks around at each other-

Melissa: She slapped you….it couldn't have hurt THAT bad, that it would make YOU cry.

Erik: I'm not crying!

Katie: Could have fooled me.

Erik: I'm _**not**_crying!!

Mike: Well then you're about to.

Erik: I am not!! Shut up!!

Katie: Wow you change emotions fast.

Erik: I do that a lot.

Melissa: I bet

Erik: -glares-

-Suddenly a light appears above the Erik's organ.-

Erik: oh Dear God…

-The light goes all swirly and a girl falls on top of the organ-

Erik: My ORGAN!!!

Katie: dude it's just a piano!! Aren't you worried at ALL about the person who HIT the piano?

Erik: what are you crazy?

Mike: Hannah!!

Hannah: -gets off the piano- Okay that hurt. –Looks around- Am I where I think I am?

Melissa: If you're think you're in the Phantom of the Opera's secret underground lair, then yea, you are.

Erik: Well it's not so secret anymore!!

Hannah: Oh my…it's ERIK!

Erik: -looks slowly over to Hannah- PLEASE don't tell me you're another Phangirl.

Hannah: -gets a dreamy look on her face-

Erik: NOOOOO!!! –Falls to the ground and cries-

Katie: back to the changing emotions thing….

Hannah: -rushes over to Erik- Oh Erik! It's alright! I'll take care of you!

Erik: -still crying and sobbing- No…

Hannah: Shh…it's alright.

Erik: -not even caring anymore. Just sits there and lets Hannah do whatever she wants to him-

Jenna: Hannah's here!

Katie: Where have you been?

Bethany: Lost in her own little world.

Jenna: hehehehehe.

Melissa: -slaps Jenna upside the head-

Jenna: -snaps out of her dumb state of mind- ow….what the hell?

Melissa: Sorry Jen had to do it. You were acting very…to put it bluntly, stupid.

Jenna: Oh….What happened to Erik? And why is Hannah here?

Katie: Ok, so Hannah showed up in the swirly vortex of light and Erik got upset and I guess he just like…I don't know…

Jenna: Okay, but why is the swirly vortex of light still there?

Melissa: Oh yeah that's weird…but it moved…

Bethany: That's even weirder.

-The swirly vortex of light was now over the area right near Christine's room. The light started to spin faster and suddenly three very familiar people came flying out-

Jenna: -gasps- JACK!!!!! –runs and attaches herself to his leg….again-

Hannah: -looks up and sees Will. Freezes in shock for a moment. Suddenly drops Erik to the ground and almost floating in the air walks over to Will-

Erik: -shaken out of his emotional state- Ow!!!!

Jack: -looking at Jenna- Uh, This lassie looks awfully familiar to me…

Will: Well she should, we've seen all these people before….Except…her. –Looks at Hannah approaching him- Hello.

Hannah: -squeaks-

Raoul: -happily- WILL!

Will: -slowly steps away from Raoul- I thought we agreed that I would write you.

Raoul: -nods- I'm still waiting for the letter, pen pal.

Will: Right. –sees Hannah still staring at him. Waves a hand in front of her face. She doesn't move.- Is she alright?

Katie: Yea, she'll be fine.

Elizabeth: -nudges Will- I think she likes you Will.

Will: Really? How flattering.

Raoul: I like you too!

-Everyone looks at Raoul-

Bethany: That's just scary.

Will: Indeed. –Looks at Hannah- So…is there anyway to snap her out of this?

Katie: -shrugs- hug her or something.

Will: Hug her? Isn't that a little personal?

Katie: Oh come on you baby, you've never hugged a random person.

Will: No, I cannot say I have.

Bethany: Well there's a first time for everything.

Jack: At least it's better than having her attached to your leg.

Will: That is true. Alright, I'll try it. –Goes over and hugs Hannah-

Hannah: -snaps out of her trance- What? –Grins wildly when she realizes she's in the arms of Will-

Will: -lets go of her- You alright?

Hannah: uh….yeah.

Will: Good.

Hannah: Will?

Will: Yes?

Hannah: Can I hug you again?

Will: Uh, sure I guess.

Hannah: -hugs Will again holding onto him tightly-

Erik: -stands up and brushes himself off- Well at least she's off me.

Melissa: That could sound so wrong if you think about it.

Erik: -narrows eyes- I don't want to think about it, Thank you.

Melissa: -grins-

Raoul: uh…

Bethany: Raoul, shut up, no one wants to know how much you want to be friends with Will.

Jack: Can someone get this girl off me?

-Melissa, Katie, and Mike get Jenna off Jack-

Jenna: -As soon as she looses contact with Jack- I'm good!

Raoul: uh….

Katie: Raoul, shut up!!

Hannah: -finally lets go of Will- Alright, I'm okay.

Will: Wait a minute, your voice sounds familiar.

Hannah: It does?

Will: Yes….Where have I heard it before?

Katie: Well, when you stole my phone from me, Hannah was on the other line.

Will: Oh! You mean that interesting looking device.

Katie: yeah.

Will: Right. You were the one that screamed in my ear!

Hannah: -smiles sheepishly- yeah….Sorry about that.

Will: It's alright. No harm done. –smiles-

Hannah: -swoons-

Raoul: Uh…

Katie/Melissa/Bethany/Jenna: Raoul, SHUT UP!!!

Raoul: But…

Katie: No buts!

Raoul: -pouts- but guys…

Katie: What did I say?

Raoul: -looks like he's about to cry- but…but…My Tummy Hurts.

Jenna: Take a Pepto-Bismol

Raoul: No!!!! My Tummy REALLY hurts!!!

-Everyone looks at each other-

Everyone: Ohhhhhhhhhhh boy….

* * *

_**Disclaimer: I do not own Phantom of the Opera, Pirates of the Caribbean, Robin Hood: Men in Tights (which if you didn't notice, I used a reference to) or Pepto-Bismol. **_


	2. The Time

_**A/N: And now, the chapter you have all been waiting for since Chapter 8 of the last story (just incase you don't remember that is the chapter when we first found out Raoul was pregnant). Here you go!!!**_

_** Last time:  
**_

_Raoul: No!!!! My Tummy REALLY hurts!!! _

_-Everyone looks at each other- _

_Everyone: Ohhhhhhhhhhh boy…_

* * *

The Duke: Oh wait…what's going on?

Bethany: -sitting back in a random arm chair with a horrible fake British accent.- Raoul is stauting 'is controctions.

Everyone: WHAT?

Bethany: Basically, he's about to have his baby.

Everyone: -Freaks out-

Erik: OH HELL NO!!!! NOT in MY LAIR!

Will: -looks over at Erik- dramatic much?

Erik: I DON'T CARE!! THE FOP IS _**NOT**_ GOING TO GIVE BIRTH IN MY LAIR.

Melissa: Where do you expect him to give birth?

Erik: I don't CARE!!!!!!!!

Katie: Do you care about anything?

Erik: NO!!! THIS IS _**MY**_ LAIR!

Bethany: dude you just contradicted yourself

Erik: I DON'T CARE!!!!! SHUT UP!!!!!

Hannah: So you don't care about your woman?

Jenna: Yea, hey where did Christine go?

Mike: I think she went off to her room with Elizabeth and Satine talking about girl stuff.

Erik: I care about her! But it's my lair!!

Jack: okay, we get it, enough with the lair stuff.

Jenna: OKAY, back to Raoul. Where the hell are we going to put him so he can "give birth" to "his" baby?

Everyone: -thinking while Raoul is convulsing on the floor.-

Raoul: -whimpering- My tummy hurts really, REALLY badly.

Katie: we know that Raoul!!

Raoul: -cries-

Bethany: Will someone shut him up? Please?

Jenna: Hannah! You know what to do in these situations…help us!!

Jack and Will: -Stares at Hannah wide eyed- What the hell?

Hannah: -stares with brief horror- ….well first we have to find him a ROOM!

Jenna: Well we can't use Christine's room….she fell asleep.

Katie: Then I guess we'll have to use Erik's room.

Erik: WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAATTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT?

Bethany: Sorry dude, we have to.

Erik: NO!!! NO please not MY room. Not my bed!!!

Jenna: Sorry, Erik it's the only other room.

Erik: Damn you all to hell!!!

Bethany: -helping other people move crying Raoul to Erik's room- Okay, see you there!

Erik: I hate you!!

Bethany: Tell me something I don't know.

Melissa: Okay, now we need a doctor. Is there a doctor?

Jenna: No…

Melissa: We don't have a DOCTOR??

Bethany: No….But we have a Hannah.

Will: …What does that mean?

Hannah: -coming out of somewhere, snapping on gloves- Don't TOUCH me I'm Sterile.

The Duke: How do you know how to do that?

Hannah: Let's just say it involves a good looking blonde and his rather scruffy husband.

Katie: -whispering in Hannah's ear.- Ohh, you mean Legolas and Aragorn, how are they doing?

Hannah: -whispering back- They're doing great, you should see the baby it's beautiful.

Katie: -still whispering- Oh really how-?

Jenna: GUYS!!! We have a situation here!

Hannah/Katie: Oh right sorry.

Bethany: Alright, Hannah do your thing.

Hannah: Okay, is he on the bed and tied down?

Jenna: uh….

Hannah: it's for my own safety!! Jack, Will! Restrain him.

-Jack and Will tie him down with Erik's extra hidden punjabs from his hidden Punjab closet which is not so hidden anymore-

Erik: NO!!! NOT MY HIDDEN PUNJAB CLOSET THAT'S NOT SO HIDDEN ANYMORE!!!

Mike: Dude, you have issues.

Katie: Shut up Augustus!!

Bethany: Anyone have a red sock?

Melissa: why?

Bethany: -smirks evilly- You'll see later.

"?": -handing her a red sock- here you go.

Bethany: Oh thanks Jean.

-5 minutes later-

Bethany: JEAN?!!!

Jean: Yea?

Bethany: How the hell did you get here?

Jean: From the bathroom.

Jenna: There's a bathroom here?

Will: There is? –Sighs in relief- good, I've had to go for a long time and I really didn't want to use the lake.

Jack: That's good to know mate.

Erik: NOTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT MYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY BATTTTTTTHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHRRRRRRRRRRRRRRROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM

Bethany: Shut up and stop talking in caps lock, you idiot!!!! –Whacks Erik with a random Latin textbook-

Erik: -falls to floor unconscious-

Bethany: -opens text book- ooo Latin.

Jenna: You can read Latin?

Bethany: No, but I've always wanted to.

Hannah: Guys, getting off topic!!! Let's focus on the most important matter here!!

Jean: -Sneaks up behind Hannah- What matter?

Hannah: -horrified- there's something bad behind me isn't there?

Mike: -nods-

Hannah: -turns around and sees Jean.- oh shit…-To everyone- excuse me one moment…-walks away and turns behind a corner. Let's out an ear piercing scream.-

Jack: She has issues with him doesn't she?

Jenna/Katie/Mike/Bethany: We all do.

Bethany: But she probably had it the worst.

Jean: Alright, so what the hell is going on? And more importantly, where the hell am I?

Katie: -pointing to Jean and Mike- The carrier of your baby is now in active labor.

Jean: …What the [censored

Christian: You're going to be a father.

Jenna: And Mike a "mother" along with Raoul.

Jean: ….

Hannah: Didn't you pay attention in Health Class?

Jean: ….

Hannah: Didn't think so.

Jean: -stares and thinks for a while and then he starts cracking up with laughter-

Hannah: You seriously think this is funny?

Jean: I think it's hilarious that some guy I never actually touched is having my baby and the girl who I molested is delivering it.

Hannah: -fire in eyes- you really think this is funny. Well this isn't in the slightest. You're not the one who's going to be on your hands and knees for five hours, you're not the one who is going to have blood splattered in your face and YOU'RE not the one who's going to have to shove your HAND up his……

Christian: -comes over and slaps his hand over her mouth.- okay, okay, that's enough.

Christine/Elizabeth/Satine: -popping out of nowhere- Ok, what's going on, we heard some screaming?

Melissa: screaming?

-All of a sudden Raoul's painful scream is heard from Erik's bedroom.-

Hannah: -Glares at Jean for a moment and then gets back to business- Okay, here we go. Everybody out! Give me space! I'm going to go shove my hand up his –door slam-

Christine: Erik has a door…?

Bethany: He does now and apparently he also has a bathroom.

Will: -walking out of nowhere. Excited- He Has A Solid Gold TOILET!!!! And a platinum sink!!!!! Wall to wall red!! Marble tub!! Silver framed Mirror….AND A COUCH!!! And it's quite comfy too.

Hannah: -opening the door. Popping her head out- Really?

Raoul: -screams-

Hannah: coming!!! –Slams door again-

Bethany: I gotta see this!!

-They all follow Will to the bathroom.-

Katie: It looks like Donald Trump's Bathroom!

Bethany: He lives in an underground dump and his bathroom looks like its from a five star hotel….what the hell?! Does he have a bathroom fetish or what?

Melissa: No wonder he screamed…. "NOTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT MYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY BATTTTTTTHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHRRRRRRRRRRRRRRROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM"

-They all congregate back at the Lake.-

Hannah: -swinging the door open- You all HAVE to see this!!

Bethany: Why?

Hannah: Cause it can go on YOUTUBE!!

Jenna: But we don't have a camera.

Katie: -pulls a digital camera out of the infamous "Jack Bag"- IIIIIIIIIIIII DOOOOOOO

Jenna: You never leave home without that do you?

Katie: Nope!!!

Hannah: Alright, you're in!

Katie: -rushes in the room with digital camera-

Hannah: -freezes- wait! Im going to need some help! –Looks around the room- Okay, there are only three available men to help, Jack, Will and Erik but Erik is unconscious so….-points to Jack and Will- you two!

Jack/Will: what?

Hannah: Don't give me that 'what?' You two are going to help me!

Jack: Do what?

Hannah: -smacks forehead-

Will: Yeah, well, you know I would LOVE to help you Hannah, BUT I have to go check out Erik's Jacuzzi in his bathroom…

Elizabeth: -popping out of nowhere- Will…

Will: Aww. –Somberly walks into the room-

Hannah: Alright, Jack you too, get in there!

Jack: get in where?

Hannah: THE ROOM!!

Jack: …Can I bring the rum?

Hannah: -annoyed sigh- FINE!

Jack: Okay. –Grabs rum and walks in.-

Hannah: -To everyone else- Alright guys, these walls have no insulation you are going to hear VERY weird things. What you are going to hear is going to disturb you and may even frighten you but think of it this way, you don't have to see it.

-Jack's voice from inside room- Oh BLOODY HELL!

Katie's voice: whoa!

Hannah: Duty calls! –Goes back into the room-

-Extended period of silence-

The Duke: I don't hear anything.

Jenna: Is anything even happening in there?

Bethany: Something's gotta be going on in there.

Melissa: But do they have to be so damn quiet!

-More Extended Quiet-

Jenna: Sooooo….seen any good movies lately?

-Screams from inside room-

Everyone: -looks at each other. Then slams against wall- Finally!

Bethany: Something's happening!

-Inside the room-

Jack: Explain to me again Bonne lass, HOW are we going to do this?

Hannah: It's simple. You guys stand behind me, hand me some instruments time to time, a little snip snip, everything happens naturally.

Will: …when you say naturally….

Hannah: Do I have to get the swirly vortex of light back in here and show you my last two patients?

Will: No. no…I don't think so…

Raoul: -screams-

Katie: I don't know what I'm doing, but I think you should get started.

Hannah: fine. –Ties surgical mask around face- Scalpel

Jack: -hands scalpel to Hannah-

Hannah: gauze

Will: -Hands it to her-

Hannah: Rum.

Jack/Will/Katie: Rum?!

Hannah: You want to get down here and do this?

All three: No…

Hannah: Then give me the rum!

Jack: -reluctantly hands rum to Hannah-

Hannah: -takes swig of rum then goes back to work-

-Moment of silence-

Jack: MAN THAT'S A LOT OF BLOOD!

-Outside the room-

Erik: -comes out of come just in time to hear Jack's last statement- -twitch- I'm going to have to burn my bed.

Jenna: oh shut up!

-Inside room-

Hannah: okay, now that that's done –cracks knuckles-

Raoul: Marshall, why did you do this to me?!!

Hannah: -looking up from what she's doing- Who's Marshall…I thought Jean was the father.

Jack/Will: You don't want to know.

Katie: It's a rock!

Hannah: A rock?

Katie: His love rock.

Hannah: Right….Okay, Raoul you can't just sit here and scream you have to do something now.

Raoul: Somebody give me their hand!!

Jack/Will/Katie: -look around at each other- -to each other- you first!

Hannah: -angry- Will somebody just give him their hand!!!

Jack: -sighs rather loudly and walks over.-

Raoul: -grabs Jack's hand tightly and scream again-

Jack: -after a few seconds Raoul lets go. Jack looks down at his hand- Ow….that was rum hand.

Raoul: -cries again- PLEEEEAAAASSSEEE!!!

Will: -thinks out loud- Hm…Jack didn't seem to react that badly. Alright….I'll go next. –Reaches out for Raoul's hand.-

Raoul: -grabs tightly and screams again-

Will: -goes down on his knees, squeaking in pain- My HAND!

-Outside the room-

Melissa: -listening against the wall- ow….that had to hurt.

-Inside the room-

Raoul: -let's go of Will's hand-

Will: -whimpering and clasping his hand-

Jack/Will: -Look at Katie-

Katie: Oh no! Not me! I have a low pain threshold!

Jack: No love, we went through it, you have to too! GO!

Katie: I…I…I'm HODLING THE CAMERA!

Hannah: -glares up at Katie- seriously I could let you do this.

Katie: -tosses Camera to Will- Here ya go. –Walks over to Raoul-

Raoul: -grabs Katie's hand really tightly.-

Katie: -screams-

Raoul: -let's go and grabs hold of sheets-

Katie: -sits and cries- My hand!

-Outside the room-

Erik: You almost have to feel bad for her.

Everyone: -looks at him-

Erik: I said ALMOST!

-Inside the room-

Jack: Hey red, how's it going down there?

Hannah: Pretty good, his water just broke.

Will: -goes pale- What?

Hannah: It means something's happening down here.

Katie: How long do you think it will take? I don't have that much memory on my camera.

Hannah: anywhere to half an hour to 24 hours.

Everyone: WHAT?!

Erik: -faints again-

-2 hours pass-

-Outside the room-

Christian: -skipping rocks on the lake-

Melissa: -fell asleep on the piano bench-

Bethany: -fell asleep on random arm chair-

Erik: -still unconscious-

Christine/Satine/Elizabeth: -still in Christine's room talking girl talk-

Jenna: -sitting there and staring at the ceiling-

Jean: -pacing back and forth like he actually cares-

Mike: -watching Jean-

-Inside the room-

Hannah: -Sitting down there staring waiting for something to happen with I-pod humming the tune to 'Defying Gravity'

Jack/Will: -drunk in the corner- 99 bottles of rum on the wall, 99 bottle of rum, you take one down pass it around, 9…8 bottles of rum on the wall….

Katie: -watching videos of 'the Ritacco pledge' (1) on her camera.-

-1/2 hour goes by-

Hannah: IT'S COMING!

-Outside the room-

Everyone (except Erik who is still unconscious): -gets up really fast.- -slams against wall-

-Inside the Room-

Katie: You sure?

Hannah: YES!

Jack/Will: 58 bottle of rum on the wa…wait what?!

Hannah: IT'S COMING!

Jack/Will: Really?

Hannah: Yea! Get over here!

Jack/Will: -go over and stand behind Hannah-

Hannah: -gets into Captain Morgan position on rock- Alright, Raoul this is it!

Raoul: Count of three you bare down right?

-Outside the room-

Jenna: That's the smartest thing he said this whole story….

-Inside the room-

Hannah: -stunned- ….right.

-Outside the room-

Everybody: -pressed against the wall-

Raoul: -screams-

Hannah's voice: Alright, push you dumb fop, push!

Raoul's voice: I AM!!

Hannah's voice: NO NOT YOUR FOOT ON MY FOREHEAD!

Will: -starts crying-

Hannah's voice: What the hell is the matter with you?!!!

Will's voice: I never wanted to see anything like this from a man nor woman!

Hannah's voice: Too [censored bad!!

Jean: I just can't stand out here and listen! –barges in-

Hannah's voice: JEAN, WHAT THE HELL!?!

Jean's voice: I want to see the birth of my child!

Hannah's voice: FINE! JUST GET OVER THERE!!

Everyone: -listens-

Hannah's voice: Okay, the head is out!

Jack: -faints-

Hannah's voice: Will, would you get him up!?

Will: -does so-

Katie: -shoves camera over Hannah's shoulder- this is INCREDIBLE!!

Jean: damn that's a lot of blood!!

Hannah: Gee, you think?!

Raoul: -screams and grabs Jean's hand-

Jean: HOLY SHIT MY HAND!!!

Jack/Will/Katie: How do you like it?!

Hannah: Okay, you dumb fop, once more and it's all over.

Raoul: -crying- I can't, I can't, I can't!

Hannah: -very angry- WILL YOU SHUT UP!! Either you do this or I have to do it for you!

Jack/Will/Katie/Jean: -shudders-

-Outside the room-

Hannah's voice: PUSH, YOU IDIOT, PUSH!!

Everyone: -waits-

-Raoul's scream and then a baby crying is heard-

Everyone: -sighs-

Erik: -once again comes out of coma- is it over yet?

Jenna: Yes.

Hannah: -comes out of room with splattered all over her clothes- It's…A…

_**If you want to know what the 'the ritacco pledge' is go to Youtube. **_

_**Disclaimer: We do not own Phantom of the Opera, POTC, Moulin Rouge or Captain Morgan. **_


	3. WOMAN

_**A/n: Sorry about the delay, but my brother broke my computer (and all my files are lost now…all picture/documents/videos/music…etc…it SUCKS!) So It took a while for me to type this up! **_

_**Disclaimer: I don't own POTO, POTC, Moulin Rouge, or any other character in this story, except for Jenna, I own her, and I do not own Smokey Joe's Café.

* * *

**_

Hannah: It's.A.Boy!

Jack: -coming out of the room- That was the most amazing thing I have ever seen.

Jenna: Are you serious?

Jack: Of course I'm serious! Let me tell ya luv, bein' a Pirate, I've seen some pretty weird things...A man giving birth was never one of them.

Katie: -walks out of the room watching it on her camera- -she has mixed looks on her face-

Will: -running out of the room- It's hideous!

Melissa: What the baby?

Will: What? Oh no…the baby is perfectly fine. It's Raoul…man if you thought he looked bad before he gave birth you should see him now.

Erik: Good…that's great…now can we PLEASE get him out of my bed.

Melissa: Erik! How inconsiderate!

Hannah: Yes. Raoul has to remain bedridden for at least a few days.

Erik: you have GOT to be kidding me

Jenna: You can sleep on the couch in your bathroom.

Erik: I don't want to sleep on the couch in my bathroom.

Jenna: Well fine…Then find your own damn sleeping place.

Erik: I will!

Jenna: Good!

Erik: Fine!

Jenna: Alright.

Erik: Yea.

Jenna: You do that…

Erik: You can be sure that I will.

Jenna: Okay then.

Bethany: You know this IS an Opera House you can find a bed somewhere else.

Erik: Yeah because I want some random chorus girl to come into their room to find a masked man sleeping in their bed so they'll be scared out of their…-smirks evilly- I think I've found a place to sleep.

Melissa: What is with you and scaring people?

Erik: I'm the phantom, its what I do. I'm not called a 'ghost' for nothing. Have you ever heard of a friendly ghost?

Katie/Jenna: Casper….-looks at eachother- CASPERITA!! –starts to laugh-

Hannah: I think I'm missing something.

Bethany: Me too…

Erik: Who the hell is Casper and Casperita.

Melissa: Casper the friendly ghost…hello? And maybe Casperita is his wife??

Jenna: Ha ha, no. Casperita is the female form of Erik, who is a complete dumbhead and occupies the flyspace of our PAC (Performing Arts Center).

Erik: -blink….blink- what the DEVIL are you talking about?

Katie: It's true. She lives in the old bomb shelter in the basement of the school…and sneaks up through the pipes, which are pretty big, and doesn't exactly 'haunt' the school but she's been known to knock down tiles from the ceiling every so often in random places around the school. She's not trying to kill anyone because she's too stupid to really kill anyone on purpose.

Will: Yeah, hey listen Erik, if you're not going to sleep on your couch, can I?

Bethany: No! I want to sleep on Erik's couch.

Will: You didn't just witness a man giving birth! I deserve the couch!!!

Bethany: What does that have to do with anything? I would have loved to be in that room!

Jack: No love, you really wouldn't have.

Bethany: And how do you know?

Jack: Well…I didn't want to be in there.

Jenna: And everyone should agree with Captain Sparrow.

Jack: Yes, thank you love.

Jenna: -squeals- he called me LOVE!

Melissa: Jen, he has called you 'love' about 500 times…he calls everybody 'love' get over yourself!

Bethany: Well, I'm different than Jack Sparrow…just so you know.

Will: -tries to sneak away to the couch-

Hannah: -gets in his way- -dreamily- Hi, Will.

Will: -confused- Hi…Hannah.

Hannah: -giggles-

Bethany: -pointing to will- you were trying to sneak away!

Will: I deserve the couch!

Bethany: -hits Will over the head with a random Latin textbook-

Will: ow!

Bethany: Oh hey, that reminds me…Erik!

Erik: -grumbles- what

Bethany: Teach me Latin!

Erik: what?

Bethany: Teach me Latin!

Erik: I'm not going to teach you Latin.

Bethany: why not?

Erik: Because, I don't like you! That's why not!

Bethany: -glares at him and hits him over the head with the same random Latin textbook-

Erik: I've had enough with you!

Mike: Off with her head!

Jenna/Melissa/Katie/Erik/Bethany: -Turn to look at Mike-

Mike: Sorry, I've always wanted to say that.

Bethany: -goes to hit him with random text book-

Mike: -screams like a girl and runs away from her- No!

Bethany: It's so funny when he does that.

Mike: -huphs-

Bethany: -acts like she is about to hit him again-

Mike: -screams again-

Bethany: -chuckles-

Mike: That's not funny.

Jenna: Yes it is, you know it is.

Mike: Why would I think that was funny?

Jenna: -shrugs- I dunno

Bethany: Because we figured its fun to laugh at you…so maybe it would be fun to laugh at yourself.

Mike: Meanies.

Jenna/Bethany: -look at eachother- meanies?

Mike: Yeah, you guys are meanies.

Bethany: Great word choice there Mike, what next you going to call us chickens.

Mike: Noooo….I was going to call you Monkey Chickens.

Bethany: You're lucky you're on the other side of the lair.

Mike: You're a satanic bitch!

Bethany: No…that's only to Erik.

Erik: I really hate you.

Melissa: You really don't want Erik to hate you. Look what happened when the managers hated him…

Katie: Hey…speaking of which….where are those two?

Bethany: Probably in a closet making out.

Melissa: that's kinda weird.

Katie: Well we did always have our suspicions about them.

Jenna: That's true.

-Over by Will and Hannah-

Will: Good, that Bethany girl is over there talking to everybody else…now I get the couch to myself!

Hannah: -suggestively- Or…we could share it.

Will: -stares at her- uh…

Elizabeth: -coming out of nowhere- Stop flirting with my man!

Hannah: He is not your man! I don't see a wedding band on his finger, do you?

Elizabeth: Well that's because Will is a little slow.

Will: Hey!

Hannah: He's not married, that means he's free to be…taken.

Elizabeth: Just because he's not married doesn't mean he's not in a relationship!

Will: Ladies…

Hannah: So…

Elizabeth: So…He's with me, not with you…you're not even from the right century!

Hannah: The 21st century is cooler than the 19th century.

Jack: Now wait a minute darling, this century…or that century…or whatever century you're from doesn't have Pirates…now tell me love, how does that make it… 'cool'?

Hannah: First of all…we girls don't have to wear stupid corsets.

Elizabeth: I don't wear corsets anymore…

Jack: -stares at her with a smirk-

Elizabeth: -not even looking at him- Jack Sparrow, get that smirk off your face or I will smack it off.

Jack: Yes Lizzie.

Elizabeth: -sighs- anyway, like I was saying. Only women of high standard wear those bloody corsets, I am a Pirate now; I am free as the wind.

Jack: -smirks again-

Elizabeth: Jack!

Jack: Can't help it love, you're saying you got nothing covering up your treasures under there and that's got me thinking.

Elizabeth: You think about my "treasures" and the only treasure you'll be getting is dirt in your face.

Jack: -still smirking- Now that dirt in my face…is that before or after?

Elizabeth: before or after what? –pauses- JACK! Stop thinking about me that way!

Will: Yeah, stop thinking about her that way!

Elizabeth: I can talk for myself Will, Thank you.

Hannah: I would let you talk for me, Will.

Will: Right.

Elizabeth: You won't be doing anything with or for Will Turner, do you understand?

Hannah: Not really no. Here, I'll take Will and you can take Jack.

Will: What?

Elizabeth: What?

Jack: Okay.

Elizabeth: -looks to Jack- No.

Jack: Lizzie, darling, you know you want this devilishly handsome pirate –pause-…why does that sound familiar?

Jenna: Possibly because you say it to every woman you meet.

Jack: I do not!

Jenna/Elizabeth/Will/Hannah: -look at him-

Jack: …Well I can't help it if I'm handsomely devilish….wait….

Elizabeth: There you go Jack…you're handsomely devilish NOT devilishly handsome.

Jack: Now you know lovey, as well as I do, that that is not true.

Elizabeth: Jack, leave me alone or I won't hesitate to push you into the lake.

Jack: Love, I have been in worse places than in that Lake…such as the belly of a huge tentecally beast.

Elizabeth: shut up!

Melissa: Hey guys, what about Raoul's baby?

Katie: What about it?

Melissa: Well…we should see it…and name it.

Jean: Hey, I should be able to name it, it's mine!

Jenna: HIM. The baby is a HIM!

Jean: Fine. HIM.

Hannah: Raoul is sleeping right now. I just went in and checked but I can bring the baby the baby out here.

Everyone: Yea, do that.

Hannah: Okay be right back. –comes back a minute later with the baby in her arms-

All the girls: -rush over to see the baby- Awww!

Jenna: He is just the cutest thing I have ever seen!

Melissa: I know!

Katie: So what is his name?

Hannah: Jean decides and Jean you better not give him a crappy name like…Augustus.

Jean: I would never name my kid that! That's only for Mike because he looks like Augustus.

Mike: -sticks out tongue at Jean-

Jean: Watch it!

Christine: So…what's his name?

Jean: hmm….

Jenna: I've always liked the name Aiden.

Jean: Do I care what you've always liked?

Jenna: No…but you should.

Jean: -narrows eyes a bit- Alright fine…just because I can't think of anything better right now and that is a pretty good name…that's his name.

Jenna: Woo!

Jean: Don't get too excited there munchkin.

Jenna: Will you stop calling me that! It was one time I put face paint on, I don't look like a munchkin!

Jean: keep telling yourself that.

Jenna: -huphs-

Hannah: Ok then, Aiden it is.

Jack: I don't care what they named the little bugger as long as I don't have to baby-sit. There's plenty of women here to do that.

All the guys: right.

Girls: Excuse us?

Jack: Sorry loveys but really…what is the point of us men babysitting….there are a lot of girls here and its your job and its really not that hard compared to what men have to do.

Guys: -nod-

Christine: Erik?

Erik: huh?

Christine: Do you feel the same?

Erik: Well Christine…really…all you do is dance and sing.

Jack: And you all wear pretty dresses that show your goodies and your what nots.

Christine: Yea? You think that's all we do, sing, dance and baby sit?

Will: And wear nice clothing.

Elizabeth/Hannah: WILL!

Will: -shrugs- sorry but it is true.

Christine: Well let me tell you something _men_

-music suddenly appears out of nowhere-

Christine: I can wash out 44 pairs of socks and have them hanging on the line. I can starch and Iron two dozen shirts before you can count from one to nine. I can scoop up a great dipper full of lard from the drippings can throw it in a skillet, go out do my shopping and be back before it melts in pan cuz I'm a woman! W-O-M-A-N. I'll say it again.

Hannah: I can rub and scrub this old house until its shining like a dime. Feed the baby –points to Raoul's baby- grease the car and powder my face at the same time. Get all dressed up, go out and swing till 4 AM and then lay down at 5 get up at 6 and start all over again cuz I'm a woman. W-O-M-A-N. I'll say it again.

Jenna: If you come to me sickly, you know I'm gonna make you well. If you come to me hexed up you know I'm gonna break the spell, you know, if you come to me hungry I'm gonna fill you full of grits but if its lovin' your lackin' I'll kiss you and give you the shiverin bits cause I'm a woman W-O-M-AN, Oh I'll say it again I'm woman W-O-M-A-N.

Elizabeth: I can stretch a greenback dollar bill from here to kingdom come, I can play the numbers, pay my bills and still end up with some. I got a twenty dollar gold piece says there ain't nothin I can't do I can make a dress out of a feed bag and make a man out of you cause I'm a woman

All four: Woman! Cause I'm a woman! W-O-M-A-N!


	4. Musical 1

_**A/N: This is a musical chapter. Where, just like a musical, my characters break out into random songs from different musicals and just regular songs. (I apologize for most of the songs being from Smokey Joe's my school just did a production and I have all the songs stuck in my head)**_

_**Songs include:**_

_**I(who have nothing) –Smokey Joe's Café**_

_**Guy Love –Scrubs Musical **_

_**His name his Launcelot – Spamalot**_

_**Does Your Mother Know? – ABBA**_

_**Ladies Choice – Hairspray**_

_**Bless The Broken Road – Rascal Flatts**_

_**Poison Ivy – Smokey Joe's Café.**_

_**Audition – 42**__**nd**__** Street**_

_**Who needs you? – The Land Before Time IV**_

_**I keep Forgettin' –Smokey Joe's Cafe**_

* * *

-A loud booming noise is suddenly heard.-

Everyone: -looks around-

Melissa: What was that?

Katie: -shrugs- I don't know.

Authoress: HELLO, my characters!

Everyone: -groans-

Jenna: You again? Really?

Authoress: Hey…I just had a brilliant idea and this is the only way I could think of bringing it in, alright! GEESH!

Jean: Well no one asked you to have a brilliant idea.

Authoress: Hey, I could write you out!

Jean: Good! I don't want to be here!

Authoress: In that case, I'm keeping you.

Jean: Damn you!

Bethany: -with a hint of sarcasm- What is this brilliant idea, oh great one?

Authoress: Are you being sarcastic towards me?

Bethany: Yes…but that's the way you wrote my line.

Authoress: …..True

Hannah: So, what is it?

Authoress: Oh right! Well…..

Mike: _Julian Marsh is doing a show!_

Jenna: _It's in variety, Julian Marsh is doing a show!_

Erik: Who is Julian Marsh?

Hannah: _Yea! We're gonna work again! _

Katie: _Get out your tap shoes Francis! _

Erik: Francis?

All: _Julian Marsh is doing a show!_

Erik: WHO IS JULIAN MARSH?!

Jenna: Never mind Erik….-sigh-

Erik: So you girls told us what you thought about yourselves, let me tell you what we think.

Guys: _She comes off like a rose_

_But everybody knows_

_She'll get you in Dutch_

Jack: _You can look but you better not touch!_

Guys: _Poison Ivy_

_Poison Ivy_

Jack: _Late at night when you're sleeping_

_Poison Ivy comes creeping around_

Guys: _She's pretty as a daisy_

_But look out man she's crazy_

_She'll really do you in_

Jack: _And if you let her get under your skin_

Guys: _Poison Ivy_

_Poison Ivy_

Jack: _Late at night when you're sleeping_

_Poison Ivy comes creeping around._

Guys: _Measles make you bumpy_

_And mumps will make you lumpy_

_And chicken pox will make you jump and twitch._

_A common cold will fool ya_

_A wrackin' cough will cool ya_

_But Poison Ivy Oughta make you itch_

_You're gonna need an ocean_

_Of Calamine Lotion_

_You'll be scratching like a hound_

Jack: _The minute you start to mess around_

Guys: _Poison Ivy_

_Poison Ivy _

Jack: _Late at night when you're sleeping_

_Poison Ivy comes creeping around_

Guys: _La, la, la, la, la, la. _

_La, la, la, la, la, la_

_La, la, la, la, la, la._

Bethany: Poison Ivy? We're like Poison Ivy?

Erik: You especially.

Bethany: -hits him over the head with a random textbook.-

Erik: You are so annoying!

Bethany: Well so are you.

Erik: Yea?

Bethany: Yea.

Erik: Well let me tell you something! Who needs you?!

Bethany: And who needs you?!

Erik: _I need you like a hole in the head!_

Bethany: _And I need you like a bug in the bed!_

Erik: _you're constantly by the claw that feeds you._

Both: _Who needs you not me._

Bethany: _I need you like a pain in the gut!_

Erik: _And I need you like a kick in the butt! You're truly disgrace, the race that breeds you. _

Both: _Who needs you not me. _

Bethany: _Who needs you! You creepy, crappy, creature. Your ugly as sin! Just a scraggily bag of skin!_

Erik: _And who needs you, you're hairs your finest feature, you're thick skinned and you're a bore, dragging your feet around the floor!_

Bethany: _Oh, I need you like a rock on my toes!_

Erik: _And I need you like a sock on the nose! I'm shocked and appalled by your behavior!_

Bethany: _Don't try being nice cuz that won't save you!_

Both: _I'm better off without you I can see! So who needs you, not me!_

Erik_: I need you like a cold in July. _

Bethany: _And I need you like a punch in the eye!_

Erik: _Of all the dumb beasts, not one precedes you!_

Both: _Who needs you, not me._

Bethany: _I need you like I need a disease!_

Erik: _And I need you like the sun needs to freeze! For quickness of mind, a rock out speeds you!_

Both: _Who needs you, not me._

Bethany: _Who needs you! You demented, crazy, creature. You yell and you talk and you're knocked kneed when you walk!_

Erik: _And who needs you? You 5 foot 8 inch quitter! Your bitter and your angry and you're oh so, oh so, lazy!_

Bethany: _Oh I need you like I need some more teeth._

Erik: _I lift a rock and find you underneath! I'm deeply upset by you're demeanor!_

Bethany_: I know that I'm mean, but you're De-meaner._

Both: _No more I might prepare could ever be_

Erik: _The word is incompatibility!_

Bethany: _Not only that but we don't get on you see!_

Both: _So who needs you, except the race that breeds you, who needs you…_

Bethany: _Not me!_

Erik: _Not me!_

Bethany: _Not me!_

Erik: _Not me!_

Both: _Not me!_

-They both humph and go to opposite sides of the lair disappearing into different rooms.-

Will: Awesome! Now I get the couch!

Hannah: Ya know, my offer still stands about SHARING the couch…

Will: uhm…hm…you know I don't mean to be rude or anything but you're kind of young.

Hannah: Soooo…True love there is no age boundaries….Take Christine and Erik. He's like 40 and she's not even 20 yet.

Erik: -calling from the room he went into- I'M 37!!!!!!!

Hannah: -shrugs- close enough.

Mike: Isn't that illegal?

Hannah: Perhaps in the 21st century but maybe not in the 19th.

Will: Maybe it is not illegal but it sure is wrong…you are over 18 aren't you?

Hannah: -blank stare- almost.

Will: Almost? As in not yet 18?

Hannah: No….But Will….it doesn't matter! –She moves seductively toward him- Pleeeaseeee..

Will: -sighs- _You're so hot, teasing me  
So you're blue but I can't take a chance on a chick like you  
That's something I couldn't do  
There's that look in your eyes  
I can read in your face that your feelings are driving you wild  
Ah, but girl you're only a child._

Hannah: So!

Will: -starts to dance with her all over the lair-

_Well I can dance with you honey  
If you think its funny  
Does your mother know that you're out?  
And I can chat with you baby  
Flirt a little maybe  
Does your mother know that you're out?_

Hannah: -Grins wildly in the arms of Will-

Will: _Take it easy _

Random Chorus girls:_(take it easy)  
_Will: _Better slow down girl  
That's no way to go  
Does your mother know?  
Take it easy _

Random Chorus Girls:_(take it easy)_  
Will: _Try to cool it girl  
Take it nice and slow  
Does your mother know?_

_I can see what you want _

–points to the bathroom where the couch is-_  
But you seem pretty young to be searching for that kind of fun  
So maybe I'm not the one  
Now you're so cute, I like your style  
And I know what you mean when you give me a flash of that smile  
But girl you're only a child._

_Well I can dance with you honey  
If you think its funny  
Does your mother know that you're out?  
And I can chat with you baby  
Flirt a little maybe  
Does your mother know that you're out?_

Will:_Take it easy _

Random Chorus girls:_ (take it easy)  
_Will:_ Better slow down girl  
That's no way to go  
Does your mother know?  
Take it easy _

Random Chorus Girls_: (take it easy)  
_Will_: Try to cool it girl  
Take it nice and slow  
Does your mother know?  
_  
_Well I can dance with you honey  
If you think it's funny  
Does your mother know that you're out?  
And I can chat with you baby  
Flirt a little maybe  
Does your mother know that you're out? _

Hannah: Wait a second, does that mean if I WAS 18 you would go for me?

Will: Uh…-looks over to Elizabeth.-

Elizabeth: -Glares at him. Walks up to him-

_I keep Forgettin' you don't love me no more!_

_I keep Forgettin' you don't want me no more!_

_I keep Forgettin' that you told me that_

_You didn't want me around_

_Anymore_

_But these stupid old feet _

_Just head for your street_

_Like they've done so many times before_

-Holds up her fist-

_And this stubborn old fist_

_At the end of my wrist_

_Keeps knocking on your front door._

_I keep forgettin' you don't love me no more_

_I keep forgettin' you don't want me no more_

_I keep forgettin' about those heart breaking nights_

_And those heart breaking things that you said _

_And though I know in my heart_

_That we've drifted apart_

_Still I can't believe our love is dead_

-Glares at Hannah-

_Though it's plain as can be _

_That you're finished with me,_

_I just can't get it through my head._

-Looks back at Will-

_I keep forgettin' you don't love me no more_

_I keep forgettin' you don't love me no more_

_I keep forgettin' you don't love me no more! _

-Shoves Will and storms off angrily-

Hannah: -stands quietly for a few moments.-

Will: -looking awfully confused-

Hannah: -turning to Will- So is that a yes?

Andre: -Emerging from the secret passageways of Erik's lair-

Firmin: -following him-

Andre: Hey! We're back!

Katie: And where were YOU two?

Firmin: We got lost in the phantom's labyrinth.

Katie: uh, huh likely story!

Andre: Wait…you think we were…Oh my God, not again!

Firmin: We're not gay!!

Jenna: -looks skeptical-

Andre: Okay, well I'm going to prove it. –Turns to Firmin-

_Let's face the facts about me and you_

_A love unspecified_

_Though I'm proud to call you _

_Chocolate bear…_

Everyone: -Stares at Firmin.-

Firmin: Because of my hair!

Everyone: ooohh.

Andre: _The crowd will always talk and stare_

Firmin: _I feel exactly those feelings too _

_And that's why I keep them inside_

_Cause this 'bear' can't bare the worlds disdain_

_And sometimes its easier to hide_

Both: _Then explain our guy love _

_That's all at is_

_Guy love_

_He's mine, I'm his_

_There's nothing gay about it_

_In our eyes_

Firmin: _You ask me about this thing we share_

Andre: _And he tenderly replies_

Both: _its guy love _

_Between two guys_

Firmin: _We're closer than the average man and wife_

Andre: _That's why our matching bracelets say 'Gil' and 'Richard'_

Andre and Firmin: -hold up bracelets-

Firmin: _You know I'll stick by you for the rest of my life_

Andre: _Your only man who's ever been inside of me!_

Firmin: -quick to explain- whoa, I just took out his appendix…wait…I never took out your appendix!!

Andre: -shrugs- _There's no need to clarify_

Firmin: _oh no?_

Andre: _Just let it grow more and more each day. _

_It's like I married my best friend_

Firmin: _But in a totally manly way!_

Both: Let's go!

_Its guy love!_

_Don't compromise_

_The feeling of some other guy_

_Holding up your hearts into the sky_

Andre: _I'll be there to care through all the lows_

Firmin: _I'll be there to share the highs_

Both: _its guy love_

_Between two guys_

Andre: _And when I say,_ I love you Rich; _it's not what it implies_.

Both: _its guy love_

_Between two_

_Guys_

Firmin: -holds out hand for André to shake-

Andre: -shakes head- no hands.

Andre and Firmin: -they embrace-

Jean: -smirking- -nudges mike-

Mike: Yes?

Jean: Would you like to join them?

Mike: No, I would not!

Jean: Oh Come on!!

_Mike, you might as well just fess up_

_Really you're a different kind of guy_

_Move aside your scabbard _

_For underneath your tabard_

_There is waiting to escape _

_A BUTTEFRLY!!! _

-Random streamers and confetti wall from above and flashing pink and yellow lights appear-

Jean:

_His_

_Name_

_Is_

_Lancelot_

Mike: No it's not.

Jean:

_And it tight pants a lot_

Mike: -looks down to wear he was just before wearing baggy jeans but infact is wearing tight pants now- What the hell!?

Jean:

_He likes to dance a lot_

_You know you do!_

Mike: I do?

Jean:

_So just say 'Thanks a lot' _

_And try romance, its hot!_

_Let's find out who's really you!_

_His name is Lancelot_

_He visits France a lot_

_He likes to dance a lot_

_And dream!_

_Who would have ever known _

_That this outrageous pro_

_Bats for the other team!_

_You're a guy who really _

_Likes his night life_

_And by day you really like to play!_

_You can all find him_

_Pumping at the gym _

_At the Opera House Y-M-C-A_

Hannah: There's a Y-M-C-A at the opera house?

Melissa: That's…interesting.

Jean:

_His name is Lancelot_

_Just watch him dance a lot_

_He doesn't care what people say_

Mike: -looking confused- no way….

Jean:

_For when he starts to dance_

_Just grab your underpants_

-Shows his under pants-

Hannah/Jenna/Katie: JEAN!!

Jean:

_He can finally_

_Come out and say_

_That he is G-A-Y-M-C-A!_

_He's gay!_

Mike: ok!

Jean: -chuckles.-

Mike: Wait… no! No! I'm not gay! I'm straight! Not Ok! NOT OK!!!!!!

* * *

_**A/N: Okay readers and reviewers, I've decided to make this 'Musical' into two parts because if I included all songs, the chapter would be very long to read. So the 2**__**nd**__** part should be coming along soon!!!**_


	5. Musical 2

_**A/N: Hello! This is the second part of the musical chapter. I added three more songs to the piece but I'm not telling you what they are so you'll just have to wait and be surprised!**_

Jack: -walks up to Elizabeth pouting in the corner- There, there luv.

Elizabeth: Go away Jack.

Jack: Oh Lizzie, you don't really want me to go away, do you?

Elizabeth: Yes, yes I do. And I would appreciate it if you would just leave me alone. I am not in the mood to deal with likes of you right now.

Jack: The likes of me? That's not very nice Lizzie.

Elizabeth: Do you think I care what's nice or not Jack?

Jack: …Is that a trick question?

Elizabeth: -glares at him- Go away Jack!

Jack: But…

Elizabeth: Go!

Jack: But every girl loves me!

Elizabeth: Not me!

Jack:

_Hey little girl with the cash to burn!_

_Well I'm selling something you won't return_

_Hey little girl take me off the shelf!_

_Cuz it's hard having fun playing with yourself_

_Once you browse through the whole selection_

_Shake those hips in my direction._

Elizabeth: Leave me alone Jack!

Jack:

_Prettiest package you ever did see_

_Take me home and unwrap me_

_Shop around little darling_

_I've got to be the ladies choice. _

-winks at Jenna-

Jenna: -squeals-

Jack:

_The ladies choice! Woo! _

_Hey little girl lookin' for a sale!_

_Well test drive this Piratin' male_

_It's gonna take cash to fill my tank_

_So let's crack open your piggy bank_

_Hey little girl going window shopping_

_I got something traffic stopping!_

Elizabeth: Oh please!

Jack:

_Hey little girl on spending spree_

_I don't come cheap but the kisses come free_

_On closer inspection I'm sure that you'll agree_

_I'm the ladies choice. _

_Ladies choice! Woo!_

_Woah! Hey little girl_

_On a spending spree_

_I don't come cheap_

_But the kisses come free_

_On closer inspection_

_I'm sure that you'll agree_

_OH! Hey little girl_

_Listen to my plea _

_Doing the lifetime guarantee_

_One day maybe_

_We'll find that baby makes three! _

_I'm the ladies choice! _

_I'm the ladies choice!_

_The ladies choice!_

_I'm the ladies choice, choice, choice I'm the ladies…choice. _

Elizabeth: If you're the ladies choice, then I'm not a lady!

Jack: Oh Lizzie not that again….like I told you Lizzie, it's either a dress or nothing. Only two things that suit you.

Elizabeth: Jack you have never seen me with nothing on and you never will!

Jack: But Lizzieeeeeee.

Elizabeth: NO!

Christian: Well those two have relationship troubles.

Satine: Yes…good thing we don't.

Christian: -smiles- of course not.

_I set out on a narrow way_

_Many years ago_

_Hoping I would find true love_

_Along the broken road_

Satine:

_But I got lost a time or two_

_Wiped my brow and kept pushing through_

_I couldn't see how every sign_

_Pointed straight to you. _

_But every long lost dream_

_Led me to where you are_

_Others who broke my heart_

_They were like northern stars_

_Pointing me on my way_

_Into your loving arms_

_This much I know_

_Is true_

_That God blessed the broken Road_

_That led me straight to you._

Christian:

_Straight to you, yes he did. _

_I think about the years I spent_

_Just passing through_

_I'd like to have the time I lost_

_And give it back to you._

_But you just smile and take my hand_

_You've been there you understand_

_It's all part of a grander plan_

_That is coming true._

_But every long lost dream_

_Led me to where you are_

_Others who broke my heart_

_They were like northern stars_

_Pointing me on my way_

_Into your loving arms_

_This much I know_

_Is true_

_That God blessed the broken road_

_That led me straight to you._

Both:

_Now I'm just a rolling home_

_Into my lovers arms_

_This much I know is true_

_God blessed the broken road_

_That led me straight to you._

Satine:

_God blessed the broken road_

_That led me straight _

Christian:

_To you…_

-They kiss-

Everyone: Aww!!

Erik: -walking back out again after he has calmed down. Hears the song- Damnit! Why is everyone loved but me?!

Christine: -waving arms- Hellooo! What am I chopped liver?!

Erik:

_I, I who have nothing_

_I who have no one _

_Adore you_

_And want you so_

_I'm only a no one _

_With nothing to give you_

_But oh, I love you. _

Christine: And I love YOU!

Erik:

_He, he buys you diamonds_

Katie/Jenna/Melissa: -coughs- for himself.

Erik:

_Bright sparkling diamonds_

_But believe me dear when I say_

_That he can give you the world_

_But he'll never love you the way_

_I love you._

Christine: I know that! That's why I left him for YOU!

Erik:

_He can take you any place he wants_

_To fancy clubs and restaurants_

_But I can only watch you_

_With my nose pressed up against_

_The window pane _

Jack: -cough cough – stalker

Erik:

_I, I who have nothing_

_I who have no one _

_Must watch you_

_Go dancing by_

_Wrapped in the arms of another man_

_When darling it's I_

_Who loves you_

_I love you_

_I love you_

_I love you_

Christine: ERIK!! LISTEN TO ME!! I LOVE _**YOU! **__GOD! _ -slaps him. Storms away-

Erik: -staring blankly- what just happened?

Jenna: You're an idiot, that's what happened.

Raoul: -triumphantly opening the door- -singing- I, I who have…gumballs.

Will: -gently pushes bathroom door open- gumballs?

Hannah: - knocks Will down coming from behind him- WHERE?!

Raoul: MINE!!

Melissa: Where the hell did you get gumballs?

Satine: What ARE gumballs?

Everyone from the 21st century: le gasp!

Satine: What? I don't know what gumballs are! It's a valid question.

Katie: There is no way to describe the amazingness of the gumball. You must try one yourself. If of course, Raoul hands over the gumballs.

Raoul: -whining- Noooooo….miiine.

Bethany: -popping out of nowhere as if on cue- Raoul, give the gumballs over to Katie or I take away your diamonds.

Raoul: but…

Bethany: No buts!!

Raoul: Aww. –Reluctantly hands over the tub of gumballs-

Katie: -taking the gumballs from him- thank you! –walks over to Satine- Here

Satine: -takes one and pops it in her mouth- -chews for a moment- yum! This is good!

Jenna: And whatever you do, DO NOT swallow it!

Satine: Well, why not?

Melissa: It's just something you don't do.

Mike: Yea, like throw mashed potatoes at Jean's face. At his back sure, but not his face.

Jean: I heard that!

Mike: -sighs- oopsies.

Everyone: -looks at him- OOPSIES?!

Mike: -shrugs- what?

Hannah: -sneaks up behind Katie and rugby tackles her-

Katie: WILL! Get your woman off of me!

Will: She's not my woman!

Katie/Melissa/Jenna/Bethany: Yet.

Will: What do you mean yet?

Katie/Melissa/Jenna/Bethany: -in sings song- You'll see.

Will: Right…Hey...where's the baby?

Andre: What baby? –Pause- OH that baby.

Firmin: Well the last time I saw it, it was with Hannah.

Everyone: -looks to Hannah-

Hannah: -clutching the gumballs- what?

Katie: Hannah…Where is the baby?

Hannah: I gave him to Jean.

Everyone from 21st century: YOU GAVE HIM TO _**JEAN!?**_

Bethany: What the hell is wrong with you?!

Hannah: He IS the father.

Jenna: SO! There is no telling WHAT he would do to that baby!

Melissa: Poor little thing…

Bethany: We do not need another Jean. The universe could not handle another Jean.

Hannah: …sorry?

Katie: That's it! We're not letting you be alone with Will anymore.

Hannah: No! Please, no!

Jenna: Will! Why didn't you try to stop her!

Will: I was a little bit busy…

Erik: Hey, has anyone seen my crowbar?

Will: -hides it behind his back- No.

Melissa: Jean! Where's the baby?!

Jean: Will you guys shut up! I just got Aiden to fall asleep!

Katie: Well that's nice, but where?

Jean: In the middle of the lake.

Jenna: JEAN, what the HELL!?

Jack: -swan dives into lake-

Jean: In the BED, where do you think?! Holy HELL! My GOD….

Jenna: -walks into the bedroom- Oh well, he is in the bed and sleeping and no bruises as far as I can tell.

Katie: Damn…Jean is actually being a father.

Bethany: Alert the media!

Jean: Shut up…

Hannah: So….what do we do now?

Everyone: hmm….

The Duke: -popping out of nowhere- The Moulin Rouge!!

Everyone: Wha?

The Duke: Let's go to the Moulin Rouge!

Christian/Satine: Let's not.

Bethany: I agree!

Raoul: But its fuuuun. OO! Let's sing the fun song!

Hannah: -growls- NO!

Erik: ok, let's sing the FUN song.

Raoul: Yay!

Erik: F is for fire the burns down the house, U is for Ubaldo, Carlotta's dead husband, N is no survivors when I…

Raoul: -in a high pitched squeaky sad voice- That's not the FUN sooonng…

Erik: That's my FUN song.

Jean: Sing it again! It's better than Spongebob's version.

Mike: Nothing is better than Spongebob.

Katie: I know a lot of things that are better than Spongebob.

Hannah: LIKE GUMBALLS!!

Bethany: Are you high on something?

Hannah: maybe….-quickly- So are we going to the Moulin Rouge or what?

Men: Yes!

Women….and Christian: NO!

Men: YES!

Women….and Christian: NO!

Men: Yes!

Women….and Christian: NO!

Men: YES!

Women….and Christian: NO!

Men: YES!

Satine: Why would you WANT to go there?

Jack: Cuz it's no fun here….and the rum is gone!

Erik: There was rum? How come I didn't know about this?

Bethany: -with a bad British accent- Because you were unconscious.

Erik: Will you cut it out with the accent! It SUCKS!

Bethany: -still with the bad British accent- That's the point you Git!

Erik: Just quit it! Don't make me go to the Punjab closet!

Jenna: That's not so secret anymore.

Erik: Thanks to YOU people.

Jean: Think about people! We're under aged and there are no drinking laws!

Everyone from the 21st century: Hm…he's right.

Jean: Okay, everybody in favor.

Jenna/Katie/Hannah/Melissa/Jean/Duke/Raoul/Jack/Will/Mike/Andre/Firmin/Erik/Elizabeth/Christine: -raise hands-

Christian/Satine/Bethany: NO.

Hannah: Bethany, why don't you wanna go?

Bethany: If I really wanted to drink I would just stay home.

Jean: But its more fun here!

Bethany: What and be hit on by 40 year old men?

Satine: 50 year old men. Trust me I know.

Katie: Oh come on, it'll be fun!

Bethany: No.

Jenna/Katie/Melissa: PLEASE.

Bethany: No.

Jenna: Well why not?

Bethany: -sighs- I just wouldn't fit in there….I'm just not 'popular'

Katie: Not 'popular'? Well…we can fix that.

Hannah: -nods- yea.

Melissa:

_Bethany, Now that we're friends_

_I've decided to make you my new project._

Bethany: You don't have to do that.

Melissa:

_I know…that's what makes me so nice._

_Whenever I see someone less fortunate than I_

_And let's face it, who isn't? Less fortunate than I!_

_My tender heart tends to start to bleed_

_And when someone needs a make over _

_I simply HAVE to take over_

_I know I know, exactly what you need. _

_And even in your case,_

_Though it's the toughest case_

_I've yet to face_

_Don't worry, _

_I'm determined to succeed_

_Follow my lead and yes, indeed_

_You_

_Will_

_Be_

Jenna:

_Popular_

_You're gonna be popular_

_I'll teach you the proper ploys_

_When you talk to boys_

_Little ways to flirt and flounce_

_OOH! I'll show you what shoes to wear_

_How to fix your hair_

_Everything that really counts_

_To be popular_

_I'll help you be Popular_

_You'll hang with the right cohorts_

_You'll be good at sports_

_Know the slang you've got to know_

_So let's start cause you've got an_

_Awfully long way to go._

Katie:

_Don't be offended by my frank analysis_

_Think of it as personality dialysis. _

_Now that I've chosen to become a pal,_

_A sister, and advisor, there's no body wiser_

_Not when it comes to Popular_

_I know about popular_

_And with an assist from me_

_To be who you'll be_

_Instead of dreary who you were_

…_Well are. _

_There's nothing that can stop you from becoming populer…lar. _

_La, la, la, la we're gonna make you popular. _

Hannah:

_When I see depressing creatures_

_With un prepossessing features_

_I remind them on their own behalf_

_To think of _

_Celebrated heads of state_

_Or especially great communicators_

_Did they have brains or knowledge?_

Don't make me laugh. Hahaha!

_They were popular!! PLEASE,_

_It's all about popular_

_It's not about aptitude it's the way you're viewed_

_So it's very shrewd to be._

_Very, very popular like me. _

Hannah: Oh Bethany look at you! You're beautiful.

Bethany: I…I have to go. –runs off-

Jenna/Melissa/Katie/Hannah: - calling after her- You're Welcome!!

_And though you protest_

_Your disinterest_

_I know clandestinely_

_You're gonna grin and bear it!_

_You're new found popularity! AH!_

_La,la,la,la_

_You'll be popular_

_Just not quite as popular as us! _

Jean: You people are popular? HAH!

Jenna: Well we might not be popular but at least we're not popular because we threaten people.

Jean: -smirks-

Raoul: Guys…can you make me popular?

Hannah: I think that's a hopeless case.

Melissa: ok….Are we sure this guy is straight?

Jenna: No…

Katie: Well he was in love with Christine for a while.

Hannah: Still….

Christine: Oh come on guys, he can't be gay.

Jenna: Sure he can… I mean…

_There! Right There!_

_Look at that tan that tinted skin_

_Look at the killer shape he's in _

Or was in before he got pregnant…

_Look at slightly stubbly chin oh please he's gay, totally gay._

Firmin:

_I'm not about to celebrate_

_Every trait could indicate_

_A totally straight expatriate _

_This guy's not gay, I say not gay_

Everyone:

_That is the elephant in the room_

_Well is it relevant to assume_

_That a man who wears perfume _

_Is automatically, radically fey?_

Andre:

_But look at his coiffed and crispy locks_

Melissa:

_Look at his silk translucent socks_

Andre:

_There's the eternal paradox_

_Look what we're seeing._

Katie:

_What are we seeing?_

Firmin:

_Is He gay? _

Katie:

Of course he's gay

Firmin:

_Or European? _

Everyone:

OHHHHHHH

_Gay,_

_Or European_

_It's hard to guarantee,_

_Is he gay or European? _

-looks at Will-

Will: _Well hey, don't look at me!_

Jenna:

_You see they bring their boys up different_

_In those charming foreign ports_

_They play peculiar sports_

_In shiny shirts and tiny shorts_

Everyone:

_Gay or foreign fellow?_

_The answer could take weeks_

_They will say things like 'ciao Bella' _

_While they kiss you on both cheeks. _

Melissa:

_Oh please…_

Everyone:

_Gay or European_

_So many shades of gray_

Mike:

_Depending on the time of day_

_The French go either way._

Everyone:

_Is he gay or European or…_

Christine:

_There! Right there!_

_Look at the condescending smirk!_

_Seen it at every guy at work!_

_That is a metro- hetro jerk!_

_That guy's not gay,_

_I say no way!_

Everyone:

_That is the elephant in the room_

_Well is it relevant to presume_

_That a hottie in that costume _

_Is automatically radically_

Andre:

_Ironically Chronically_

Jenna:

_Certainly pertint'ly_

Mike:

_Genetically Medically _

Everyone:

_Gay, Officially Gay! Officially Gay, gay, gay, gay! _

Raoul: -kisses Christine's hand-

Everyone: _DAMNIT!_

_Gay or European?_

Andre:

_So stylish and relaxed_

Everyone:

_Is he gay or European?_

Firmin:

_I think his chest his waxed._

Hannah:

_But they bring their boys up different there _

_It's culturally diverse_

_It's not a fashion curse_

_If he wears a kilt or bares a purse_

Everyone:

_Gay or just exotic_

_I still can't crack the code. _

Satine:

_Yet his accent is hypnotic _

_But his shoes are pointy toed._

Everyone:

_Huh._

_Gay or European _

_So many shades of gray_

Jenna:

_But if he turns out straight,_

_I'm free at eight on Saturday!_

DID I JUST SAY THAT?!

Everyone:

_Is he gay or European_

_Gay or European?_

_Gay Or Euro…_

Raoul: Stop!! I'm not gay ok!! I just like different things….but other men is not one of them! Leave me alone!

Jenna:…ok…well that solves that mystery I guess.

Melissa: Yep.

Mike: -walking out from a secret hallway- Hey guys, there's a room full of instrument back there!

Erik: You found that too?! UGH!

Everyone: -rushes to the back room-

Melissa: There are some pretty random instruments…

Katie: Yea…trumpets…a drum set…an electric guitar? And a keyboard?

Mike: -hands a number of trumpets to people in the room-

Hannah: I don't know how to play the trumpet….

Mike: You will in a second.

Hannah: ok….

Mike: hehe. Jack! Go play the drums!

Jack: I don't know how to play the drums mate..

Mike: Again…you will in a second. Go!

Jack: Alright…-goes to drum set-

Jenna: Oh! I'll play the keyboard!

Mike: Okay. Andre you play the guitar.

Andre: But…oh…let me guess? I'll learn to play it in a second?

Mike: Yep. Ok people…ready?

Everyone: Ready for what?

Mike: Go! Trumpets first!

Trumpet people: -start playing really well-

Jenna: -starts playing the keyboard-

Mike: -taking a microphone out of nowhere-

_The winner takes all_

_It's the thrill of one more kill_

_The last one to fall_

_Will never sacrifice their will_

Jack: -looking confused- -plays quick drum solo-

Mike:

_Don't ever look back_

_On the wind closing in_

_The only attack _

_Were their wings on the wind_

_Oh the daydream begins…_

_And its sweet, sweet, sweet victory, Yea!_

_And it's ours for the taking_

_Its our for the fight_

_And its sweet, sweet, sweet victory, Yea!_

_And the world is ours to follow._

Andre: -guitar solo-

-Song ends-

_**Chapter Ends. I hope you enjoyed the musical chapters of Back in The Past. Please stay tuned for our next chapter where the cast takes a trip to the Moulin Rouge. **_


	6. The Moulin Rouge pt1

_**A/N: I am soooooo sorry for the long wait!! I have had such writers block for this story!! But my co-authors (PrincessCaspien95, Imagined Mind, KittyHellsing) gave me some BRILLIANT ideas I just had to go with so here I am!! **_

_**Disclaimer: I don't own POTO, POTC, Moulin Rouge, any of the Disney villains, Harry Potter, and the Great Gatsby and Dr. Horrible! Or any other random people that I mention in this story…..yeah…**_

* * *

Some random person: -comes bursting in some random door- -singing-And I-I will….-stops abruptly and looks around-….where am I? –looks at Erik who happened to be standing next to the random person- Who are you? –sees Christian- CHRISTIAN!! –runs over and glomps Christian-

Christian: uh….

Erik: Is this another….-gulps- fan girl?

Jenna/Melissa/Hannah/Katie/Bethany: -shrugs innocently- We don't know her.

Satine: Christian, do you know her?

Christian: No… -he tried to get the girl off of him-

Random girl: -grinning like an idiot holding on tight to Christian-

Christian: -mouthing- HELP ME!

Jenna: Hmm…Hey you! Um…Look theres's uhm….Hugh Jackman!

Random girl: WHERE?! –loses grip around Christian and runs around the Lair and finally runs into the portcullis rendering her unconscious-

Melissa: How did you know what to say to her?

Jenna: Because I have telepathy.

Katie: Oh…yea SURE.

Jenna: No I do….I have telepathic connections with aliens.

Bethany: Aliens...?

Jenna: Yep…aliens. The aliens that abducted Raoul…oh yeah we're real close.

Mike: Oh geez next thing you know she's gonna start a hit list and people will start calling her Tony.

Hannah: A Hit list? Nah….

Bethany: Oh yea totally she would get all the bad guys. Such as Hades, The Duke

The Duke: HEY!

Bethany: -ignoring him and continuing- Scar, Clayton, Jafar…

Melissa: That hun guy from Mulan.

Hannah: -whispers-Jean.

Bethany: Barbossa….

Jack: What about Barbossa?

Bethany: Angelica, Ursula, Gaston, The Wicked Witch of the East (from the Wizard of Oz)

Mike: Lex Luthor, Brainiac, Doc Oc, Green Goblin, Sandman, the Joker,

Katie: Captain HOOK!

Bethany: Cruella Devil, The Queen of Hearts and Tom Buchanan.

Katie: Why Tom Buchanan?

Jenna: Cuz he made George Wilson believe Gatsby was the murderer….I LIKE GATSBY!

Everyone: -stares at her-

Jenna: Sorry, I'm good now.

The Duke: WHERE'S MY HAT?!

Everyone except the Duke and Raoul: -huddled in a little corner with his hat-

Bethany: -whispers- okay, everyone's names on a piece of paper?

Jack: Yes! Oh wait, why are we doing this again?

Jenna: Because we're going to the Moulin Rouge and we need someone to sit back and stay with Raoul's baby.

Hannah: Well technically it's JEAN'S baby.

Melissa: The poor kid

Katie: Yes…well ANYWAY…Everyone put your papers in the hat.

The Duke: Seriously?! Where's my hat?!

Everyone else: -ignores him-

Will: -grabs the hat and shakes it up and then picks a name- Erik's the lucky winner!

Erik: WHAT?!

Jenna: Congratulations! You get to stay home and baby sit.

Erik:…WHAT?!

Bethany: -saying it slowly- You…get…to…baby…sit.

Erik: I heard you the first time!! But why me?!

Hannah: Cuz we picked your name.

Erik: -grumbles- I hate kids.

Katie: Oh well, sucks for you.

Melissa: alright, well we'll be leaving now! See you at about 2 Am!"

Mike: Good Luck!

Jean: PEACE!

Erik: I hate you all!

Hannah: Tell us something we don't know.

Bethany: Love you too!

Erik: -glares at baby- Stupid baby.

Raoul: Hey! My baby's not stupid!

Erik: Hey, wait a minute, why does HE get to go but I don't!

Melissa: Because…..we said so!!

Raoul: YEAH! SUCKA!! –Goes dancing out the door-

Hannah: For someone who just gave birth he recovered rather quickly.

Bethany: More importantly, where did the door come from?!

Melissa: Who knows, who cares, LET'S GO!

Katie: It's like the bathroom and the secret Punjab closet that's not so secret anymore and the instrumental hallway.

Hannah: It's like the room of requirement.

Satine: What is that?

Hannah: It's a Harry Potter thing…

Satine/Christian/Raoul/Erik/The duke/Christine/Will/Jack/Elizabeth: Who's HARRY POTTER?!"

Everyone else: WHO'S HARRY POTTER?!

Bethany: Are you serious?

Hannah: -smacks forehead-

Jenna: Everyone knows who Harry Potter is.

Satine/Christian/Raoul/Erik/The duke/Christine/Will/Jack/Elizabeth: We don't!

Katie: It's only the biggest selling book of the 21st century.

Bethany: Speaking of Harry Potter…-nudges Hannah on the shoulder- Wink wink, nudge nudge, say no more.

Will: What are you talking about?

Hannah: Nothing! Nothing!

Bethany: LIES!!

Hannah: It's NOTHING! GEEZ! Come off of it already!

Bethany: THE MAN YOU FANCY…yes fancy, he is fancy, fancy's a nice word.

Everyone else: -sweat drop-

Bethany: ANYWAY….THE MAN YOU FANCY KILLED DUMBLEDORE!

Will: No I didn't! Wait…who's Dumdledore?!

Hannah: First of all, it's Dumbledore! And secondly, NOT YOU!

Will: B…but I thought you fancied me?

Hannah: I do, more than anyone in the world.

Bethany: More lies!

Hannah: I'm not lying! I just have infatuations….

Katie: -cough- like 20

Hannah: First of all its THREE!

Jean: -catching on- wait a minute…YOU LIKE SNAPE?! He's old enough to be your GRANDFATHER!

Will: -gives Hannah an odd look-

Hannah: Uh…I…uhm…No?

Katie/Melissa/Mike: OH MY GOD!! EWWWWW!!

Will: Why 'EWWWWWWWWW!!'?

Melissa: Do we need to get the swirly vortex of light and show you?

Will: Um…no that's ok, I'll take your word for it.

Jenna: good man, good man.

Hannah: He was a good man! Snape was framed!!

Jean: We'll get the swirly vortex of light when we get back…but now let's GO!

Bethany: Alright, alright keep your pants on.

Hannah: PLEASE!

Erik: -Grabbing the hem of Christine's dress- PLEASE, Christine if you love me, you won't leave me here with…THAT! –Points to baby-

Christine: It's a baby Erik, it's not a 'THAT', it's not going to hurt you and you were picked fair and square. So you're staying!

Erik: But…but…

Christine: No BUTS! You…OVER THERE! NOW!

Erik: What if…

Christine: You're an evil genius you'll figure it out.

Jenna: Like Dr. Horrible!!

Katie: Yeah, except Dr. Horrible is cooler and doesn't wear a mask.

Erik: Oh so now you're discriminating against UGLY PEOPLE!

Katie: What the hell? No!

Bethany: Alright seriously, we've gotta get to the Moulin Rouge! Erik, you're staying, no 'if's' 'ands' or 'buts'! GOOD BYE!

The Duke: Cheerio!

Hannah: Ta-Ta!

Katie: See ya!

Jenna: TTFN! Ta-Ta For Now!

Melissa: BRB G2G TTYL YO!

Bethany: Come on Mr. Smee let's go!!

Mike: Stop calling me that!! I'm not Mr. Smee!

-They all leave-

-They all walk down the streets of Paris-

Elizabeth: This is such a dirty city! There are bugs everywhere!

Melissa: Yeah, it seems like they are following us everywhere.

Raoul: -in the most flamboyant voice humanly possible while flipping his hair- It's because my hair smells so nice!

Everyone: -Stares at Raoul in horror- Oookay than!

Raoul: What? It's true! My hair is so pretty!

Everyone: Riiiiiight.

-They get to the Moulin Rouge-

Everyone: -enters and looks around at all the people dancing- Whoah.

Jenna: -looks down at clothes- -looks around at all the other dancers- I don't think we quite fit in here…

Melissa: you're right we don't…

Girls: -look at each other and simultaneously rip off their clothes to reveal them wearing outfits similar to those of the can-can dancers-

Katie: -looks down and sees herself in green bra and Muppet underwear-

Melissa: Katie! Think about your pregnant boyfriend!

Katie: Ex-boyfriend! And he's not pregnant anymore!

Jack: What?

Katie: Well Hannah bumped heads with him and knocked it out of the safe zone and into the stomach acid!

Jack: WHAT?

Hannah: He bumped into me first!

Katie: He was hormonal!

Bethany: How does that excuse him!

Katie: …I don't even care anymore! –mumbles- long distance my ass

Hannah: Hey, wait a second where's Jean?

Jean: -coming through the crowds with trays upon trays of absinthe with random dancers following him- YEAH! Let's get this party started!!

Hannah: That was fast.

Will: Aye.

Hannah: -swoons-

Jean: -passes a shot of absinthe to everyone around- -slurred- driiiiiiiinks for evyone

Jenna: Are you drunk?!

Bethany: We haven't even been here for two minutes!

Jean: -swaying- And your proooblem is?

Everyone: -shrugs-

-10 minutes later-

Jack: -stares at the tray drunkenly- Why is all the drinks gone?

Hannah: -drunken high pitch laugh- -falls off chair-

Jenna: I think it went to her….

Bethany: So that's why she likes Snape! She was like that when she first saw him.

Hannah: -drunken high pitch laugh-

Melissa: Will someone shut her up? It's LOOOOOUD!

Katie: Willy! You do it!

Will: -points at Hannah on the floor- SHUDDDDD UP-A!

Hannah: -drunken high pitch laugh-

Will: I tried –face plants onto the table-

Jack: Oh come on Mate, you can do better than that!

Will: -throws hand up in the air and mumbles incoherently-

Jenna: Hey…where's SMEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

Bethany: I think I saw him going –waves hand in the air- that way.

Melissa: Hey…isn't that him? –points to stage-

Mike: -in a dress and fish net stockings and heavy make up- -singing drunkenly and very off key-

I DUUUUG My key into the side

Of his pretty little souped up

Four wheel DRIIIIIIIIVE.

Carved my name into hissssss leather seats!

Took a louis ville Slugger to both headliiights

Smashed a hole in ALLL four tires!

Maybe next time he'll think before he…CHEATS!

Will: -all of a sudden back to consciousness- -points to mike- THAT was weird!

Mike: -walks over still singing-

Right now she's probably up singing

Some white trash version of Shania karaoke

Right now she's probably saying

-High pitched squeaky voice- I'M DRUNK!

And he's a thinking that he's gonna get lucky!

-Pulls Will up from the chair and forces him to dance-

Right now he's probably dabbing on three dollars worth

Of that bathroom polo!

Oh and he don't know! OOOOOOOOOOH!!

Hannah: -drunken high pitch laugh-

Mike: -stops singing- what the HELL was that?

Jenna: YaY! She shut him up!!

Jean: HEEEEEEEEEYY!

Random dancer: What?

Jean: 'MERE!

Random dancer: No you 'MERE!

Jean: I say you 'MERE!

Random: YOU 'MERE!

Christine: JUST SHUT UP AND GO SOMEWHERE!

Everyone: -stares at Christine blankly- huh

Christine: WHAT ARE YOU ALL STARING AT?

Everyone: -continues to stare- uh….huh

Christine: I WILL BEAT YOUR HEADS IN IF YOU DON'T STOP STARING AT ME!!

Everyone: -stares at each other- ….huh

Christine: -opens mouth to say something-

-Music suddenly takes a quick turn and changes into 'Lady Marmalade'-

-Everyone gets up and starts to dance-

Jack: -walks over to Elizabeth- Dance with me lovey!

Elizabeth: FINE! One dance! That's all you get Sparrow!

Jack: You won't be able to resist me for long darling.

Elizabeth: Stuff it Sparrow!

Melissa: You know…we never got to hear what Jack was going to say back in Jenna's house…

Bethany: Yeah…you're right…

Jack: What? What was I going to say?

Jenna: I believe it was "I guess, if I must be honest, the truth is Lizzie… is that I…" and then you disappeared in the swirly light thingy bobber thing.

Jack: Oh…THAT….I don't know what you're talking about?

Melissa: Now tha-a-a-at….OH MY GOD!

Bethany: What?

Melissa: LOOK!!

Katie: Holy Crap!!

Bethany: Huh?

Melissa: THAT!! –points at Hannah and Will 'Notebook' kissing-

Katie: How drunk are they?

Jean: Not drunk enough…they're only kissing!

Bethany: Oh just shut up Jack, will, mike…..YOU!

Jenna: -sighs- Where's Snape when you need him?

Jack: Wait a minute….

Katie: What?

Jack: Where's Will and Hannah they were just here a minute ago?

* * *

_**BUM BUM BUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUM.**_

_**A/N: Well I hoped you liked that totally random crazy chapter! REVIEW!!**_


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